Emotional well being in toddlers

Do you ever wonder, if you're raising your child correctly? Is there even a right or wrong way?

I spoke to a child psychologist today due to Tee's emotional well being. Or lack off. I must admit, I'm not in the least bit surprised. I was told that I was suffering from burnout, and that my child sensed this. I don't even enjoy her sometimes, think back of all the times your child wanted your attention and you just didn't feel like giving it!!! I've been there a lot lately.

This is what I've learnt.

Majority of Asian parents do not put their child's emotional well-being as a top priority, but in fact, it IS a top priority. A child's mental well-being is as important as his physical well-being. If your child got really sick, you would take him to the doctor, wouldn't you? The same thing applies, if your child is not behaving in a way that you think he should behave, then you should do something about it. Don't ignore it and tell yourself, oh.....it's just a phase; because it may not be. If your child is behaving in a terrible manner, he is trying to tell you something. Short of the usual tantrums that toddlers are famous for, if your child is embarrasing you in front of your friends, then ask yourself why that is the case.

Apparently, already at three years old, children need to be put in line and have set limits. Our children get out of hand because WE haven't set those limits. Sometimes, we don't know how!!! At three years old, if a child does not know how to control his anger, you need to teach him. At four years old, you need to teach him and practise anger management on a regular basis. At five years old, you are cutting it thin, and at ten, you will have a long, long way to undo whatever's brewing inside the child. Get my drift? I'm serious.

Children are never naughty. They don't know how to be naughty. If your children can't behave, you need to ask yourself what's up and address the issue. Sometimes, the problem sorts itself out but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Why take the risk and have so much grief later?

On setting limits, lazy parents usually bring up children with behavioural problems. I know, Im one. Sometimes, I say no. Sometimes, I say yes. The poor child is confused. We, as parents should set the rules. We drink our milk everyday. We go to bed at 8pm everyday. We brush our teeth, bathe and do our homework everyday. TV is only allowed half an hour a day. We do not answer back to Mommy and Daddy. We greet people when we see them. Blablablabla....

Whatever the rules you make, make sure you are consistent with it and follow it to the tee. Talk to your child everyday about those rules so that they remember. Role play and practise. Eventually, they will get it. We are always so caught up in teaching children their ABC's and 123's that we forget that their emotional intelligence is just as crucial. Don't think that you are making them happy by giving in because you are doing them NO favours. Children need limits and discipline and parents have to be proactive. If you love your children, you have to work, not let them have their way all the time.

A child without emotional intelligence becomes an insecure child. Be careful, because an insecure child will not reach his full potential in the world. Child psychologists stress that it is more important to have a confident and emotionally healthy child than a child who's an academic genius. Parents, please, please, please....... take note.

It's okay for your child to get angry at you. You're doing this for HIS own good. You're doing this for the betterment of HIS life. Don't be pushed or bullied into giving in all the time. In fact, don't give in at all. Love your child but don't give in when they are clearly out of line.

So, am I on the right track of being a good parent to my four year old? I think I'm doing okay. I'm learning as I go along and am certainly taking a harder stand with Tee. She is such a manipulator and really knows how to pull our heart strings but I know what I have to do with her. No, means NO. And I know she will thank me for it later.