The bane of most new families is having a little one invade your sleep space. But fret not, as the experts say that this is actually a good thing. It is called attachment parenting and results in a secure, well-adjusted child who will always be close to home.
Whilst I never planned to co-sleep, and in fact was very against it, I somehow fell into the trap and have never looked back. I have accepted the fact that Tee might very well still be in my bed by the time she is thirty. No, I'm kidding. If that happened, I'd send her to a psychiatrist!
If you'd like to read about our co-sleeping journey, then get yourself a cup of coffee with an hour to spare, as it's been one helluva journey. And to think that she's only four!
Oct 18, 2008
Oct 3, 2008
Extra curriculur activities for a four year old???
Hmmm......the ever raised question by unsure parents all around the world. How much is really enough? Should I impose music lessons so she can have something to fall back on should she not make it? Do I want him to be a professional golfer? My child MUST be the top 2 in his class because I need to be able to tell my friends that if asked. How come everyone elses kid is booked at every class? I think I'd better send Tyler to some classes.....
Sound familiar?
Before you sign your kid up for a new class, perhaps you should find out more about the consequences of children with overloaded schedules first.
I'm just saying......
Sound familiar?
Before you sign your kid up for a new class, perhaps you should find out more about the consequences of children with overloaded schedules first.
I'm just saying......
Sep 2, 2008
Why children form attachment to their fathers
It's plain simple.
Their dads have been there for them since Day One. Meaning the day they were conceived, not the day they were born. Obviously, the more Daddy has been involved in the child's life, the more attached the child is to Daddy.
Tee is very attached to her Daddy. Her Daddy used to talk to her since she was a little beany. And he continued talking to her everyday till she was born. She would kick in excitement every time she heard his voice and this didn't happen with other voices. Then from the day she was born, they always had their Daddy-Baby time where she'd sleep on his chest and stomach and do things together. He'd take her for walks, play with her, bathe her, feed her, you name it, he did it.
After 5 years of Daddy caring, Tee is completely in love with her Dad and wants to marry him. Tsk-tsk.....how incestuous. I did some research on attachment to fathers out of curiosity and these are my findings.
Their dads have been there for them since Day One. Meaning the day they were conceived, not the day they were born. Obviously, the more Daddy has been involved in the child's life, the more attached the child is to Daddy.
Tee is very attached to her Daddy. Her Daddy used to talk to her since she was a little beany. And he continued talking to her everyday till she was born. She would kick in excitement every time she heard his voice and this didn't happen with other voices. Then from the day she was born, they always had their Daddy-Baby time where she'd sleep on his chest and stomach and do things together. He'd take her for walks, play with her, bathe her, feed her, you name it, he did it.After 5 years of Daddy caring, Tee is completely in love with her Dad and wants to marry him. Tsk-tsk.....how incestuous. I did some research on attachment to fathers out of curiosity and these are my findings.
- A child does not necessarily need a father although a great father present in a child's life would be ideal However, if he is a lousy father, then it's better to do without him. Single parenthood is totally OK. But if a child who has a great father loses him for whatever reason, the child will suffer.
- For a child to develop normally socially and emotionally well, she needs to be exposed to some kind of attachment parenting (mother, father or better, both) from birth till optimally 3 years of age. If this has not happened, it will be more of an effort to instill this attachment to a child during the later years. Children who get much response and love from their parent(s) from birth to 3 years old, are at the front line to having a stable and happy life. Having said this, many things can go wrong from there should there be negative external factors influencing the child like the parents start fighting or if the child is neglected etc.
- Being attached to the father is one thing. Being securely attached is another. This can be measured by the way your child greets her father after a separation and whether she tells him about what happened during the separation time. I praise the Lord that Tee's body shoots out a lightbulb spark every time she sees me after a separation despite my being the Dragon Mommy and she does tell me about her day very openly and happily. Thank you, God. She also ran to her Daddy at the airport at full speed after not seeing him for 2 weeks when we went to Australia. And they kissed each other for the next hour. Gross.
- Mother and Daughter relationships are easilly passed down. This is what I feared most but thankfully, I seem to have managed to break the pattern thus far.
Aug 29, 2008
A day in the life of a 22 month old toddler
For games that we played whilst Tee was only 22 months, just short of two years old, read my post A typical day of a toddler. If your kids have outgrown that stage, read and reminisce. If your kids are right there, relate and appreciate. If your kids are getting there, embrace it and be prepared!
Aug 25, 2008
Games to play with preschoolers
I've realised that I really have to stop calling Tee a toddler as she is almost four and is technically a preschooler. *sigh* These babies are growing up way too fast!!! What happened to this little thing here on the left??? This was when Tee was just 3 months old at Christmas. She had spiky hair and a wicked temper that showed us who was really boss.
Today, we learnt a new fun game from a dearest friend called 'Guess Who?'. What you have to do is think of someone you and your preschooler know but keep it a secret in your head. Then make your preschooler ask you lots of questions about this person until they are able to guess who the person is.
For example, I'm thinking of Daddy (the secret person). And Tee starts asking me; is this a girl or a boy? is it a child or an adult? does he wear glasses? is he hairy? does he work? does he have children? is he grumpy? And she continues asking until she is able to guess the right answer!
This game is good because not only does it make them think (you can take turns being the guesser and the answerer) but it is very interesting getting into a mind of a preschooler to view how he or she perceives certain people. Also, it forces the preschooler to be more creative the further away she is from guessing who the person is. And, as an adult, you could actually drop new vocabulary into the game each time and teach your preschooler something new! For example, instead of using all the simple ways to describe someone, make your language more articulate. Ask her if this person has ever had laryngitis? To which she would ask, what is laryngitis and you can then tell her. Ask her if this person has bad habits? Discuss what bad habits are. Ask her if this person has any siblings? Ask her if this person resides in a foreign country? See? So many new words for a preschooler to learn.
And never, never underestimate their ability to learn them because believe you me, they are more than capable. It is always us who are pulling them back, thinking they are too young to be absorbing such big words. Preschoolers have incredibly mammoth capabilities!!!
Read How to play a fun chain story game with children.
Aug 23, 2008
Emotional well being in toddlers
Do you ever wonder, if you're raising your child correctly? Is there even a right or wrong way?
I spoke to a child psychologist today due to Tee's emotional well being. Or lack off. I must admit, I'm not in the least bit surprised. I was told that I was suffering from burnout, and that my child sensed this. I don't even enjoy her sometimes, think back of all the times your child wanted your attention and you just didn't feel like giving it!!! I've been there a lot lately.
This is what I've learnt.
Majority of Asian parents do not put their child's emotional well-being as a top priority, but in fact, it IS a top priority. A child's mental well-being is as important as his physical well-being. If your child got really sick, you would take him to the doctor, wouldn't you? The same thing applies, if your child is not behaving in a way that you think he should behave, then you should do something about it. Don't ignore it and tell yourself, oh.....it's just a phase; because it may not be. If your child is behaving in a terrible manner, he is trying to tell you something. Short of the usual tantrums that toddlers are famous for, if your child is embarrasing you in front of your friends, then ask yourself why that is the case.
Apparently, already at three years old, children need to be put in line and have set limits. Our children get out of hand because WE haven't set those limits. Sometimes, we don't know how!!! At three years old, if a child does not know how to control his anger, you need to teach him. At four years old, you need to teach him and practise anger management on a regular basis. At five years old, you are cutting it thin, and at ten, you will have a long, long way to undo whatever's brewing inside the child. Get my drift? I'm serious.
Children are never naughty. They don't know how to be naughty. If your children can't behave, you need to ask yourself what's up and address the issue. Sometimes, the problem sorts itself out but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Why take the risk and have so much grief later?
On setting limits, lazy parents usually bring up children with behavioural problems. I know, Im one. Sometimes, I say no. Sometimes, I say yes. The poor child is confused. We, as parents should set the rules. We drink our milk everyday. We go to bed at 8pm everyday. We brush our teeth, bathe and do our homework everyday. TV is only allowed half an hour a day. We do not answer back to Mommy and Daddy. We greet people when we see them. Blablablabla....
Whatever the rules you make, make sure you are consistent with it and follow it to the tee. Talk to your child everyday about those rules so that they remember. Role play and practise. Eventually, they will get it. We are always so caught up in teaching children their ABC's and 123's that we forget that their emotional intelligence is just as crucial. Don't think that you are making them happy by giving in because you are doing them NO favours. Children need limits and discipline and parents have to be proactive. If you love your children, you have to work, not let them have their way all the time.
A child without emotional intelligence becomes an insecure child. Be careful, because an insecure child will not reach his full potential in the world. Child psychologists stress that it is more important to have a confident and emotionally healthy child than a child who's an academic genius. Parents, please, please, please....... take note.
It's okay for your child to get angry at you. You're doing this for HIS own good. You're doing this for the betterment of HIS life. Don't be pushed or bullied into giving in all the time. In fact, don't give in at all. Love your child but don't give in when they are clearly out of line.
So, am I on the right track of being a good parent to my four year old? I think I'm doing okay. I'm learning as I go along and am certainly taking a harder stand with Tee. She is such a manipulator and really knows how to pull our heart strings but I know what I have to do with her. No, means NO. And I know she will thank me for it later.
I spoke to a child psychologist today due to Tee's emotional well being. Or lack off. I must admit, I'm not in the least bit surprised. I was told that I was suffering from burnout, and that my child sensed this. I don't even enjoy her sometimes, think back of all the times your child wanted your attention and you just didn't feel like giving it!!! I've been there a lot lately.
This is what I've learnt.
Majority of Asian parents do not put their child's emotional well-being as a top priority, but in fact, it IS a top priority. A child's mental well-being is as important as his physical well-being. If your child got really sick, you would take him to the doctor, wouldn't you? The same thing applies, if your child is not behaving in a way that you think he should behave, then you should do something about it. Don't ignore it and tell yourself, oh.....it's just a phase; because it may not be. If your child is behaving in a terrible manner, he is trying to tell you something. Short of the usual tantrums that toddlers are famous for, if your child is embarrasing you in front of your friends, then ask yourself why that is the case.
Apparently, already at three years old, children need to be put in line and have set limits. Our children get out of hand because WE haven't set those limits. Sometimes, we don't know how!!! At three years old, if a child does not know how to control his anger, you need to teach him. At four years old, you need to teach him and practise anger management on a regular basis. At five years old, you are cutting it thin, and at ten, you will have a long, long way to undo whatever's brewing inside the child. Get my drift? I'm serious.
Children are never naughty. They don't know how to be naughty. If your children can't behave, you need to ask yourself what's up and address the issue. Sometimes, the problem sorts itself out but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Why take the risk and have so much grief later?
On setting limits, lazy parents usually bring up children with behavioural problems. I know, Im one. Sometimes, I say no. Sometimes, I say yes. The poor child is confused. We, as parents should set the rules. We drink our milk everyday. We go to bed at 8pm everyday. We brush our teeth, bathe and do our homework everyday. TV is only allowed half an hour a day. We do not answer back to Mommy and Daddy. We greet people when we see them. Blablablabla....
Whatever the rules you make, make sure you are consistent with it and follow it to the tee. Talk to your child everyday about those rules so that they remember. Role play and practise. Eventually, they will get it. We are always so caught up in teaching children their ABC's and 123's that we forget that their emotional intelligence is just as crucial. Don't think that you are making them happy by giving in because you are doing them NO favours. Children need limits and discipline and parents have to be proactive. If you love your children, you have to work, not let them have their way all the time.
A child without emotional intelligence becomes an insecure child. Be careful, because an insecure child will not reach his full potential in the world. Child psychologists stress that it is more important to have a confident and emotionally healthy child than a child who's an academic genius. Parents, please, please, please....... take note.
It's okay for your child to get angry at you. You're doing this for HIS own good. You're doing this for the betterment of HIS life. Don't be pushed or bullied into giving in all the time. In fact, don't give in at all. Love your child but don't give in when they are clearly out of line.
So, am I on the right track of being a good parent to my four year old? I think I'm doing okay. I'm learning as I go along and am certainly taking a harder stand with Tee. She is such a manipulator and really knows how to pull our heart strings but I know what I have to do with her. No, means NO. And I know she will thank me for it later.
Dec 15, 2007
Toddlers not drinking water!
Tee has always detested drinking. It's genetic. My mother doesn't get thirsty. Neither do I. We literally have to set alarm clocks to remind us to drink. So when Tee started showing signs of not drinking (apart from milk), I was worried. People suggested I gave her juice or sweeter drinks. That didn't work. She is just not a drinker!
So how do I get her to drink?
Now that she is in her Terrible Three's (What, you think it stops at Two? Let me tell you, it goes beyond Three! Even Four!!!), she is purposely rejecting drinking water because she is just the little rebel that she is. I have a very willful child. The female version of Billy Idol.
Due to her pure willfulness, whenever I ask her if she'd like to drink, she'd automatically say no. Her mouth is already programmed that way. Second strategy. Don't ask. Say DRINK. It doesn't work. She will still not drink. Why should she do what Mommy tells her to. She'll do what she wants, when she wants. When you have a toddler like mine, no amount of caning, spanking, scolding, time-outs (not that I give her any of these, apart from scoldings and time-outs) will make her do what she does not want to do. I am not kidding.
After pure observation, the Hubs has identified that we need to put water in front of her lips when she is busy doing something. When she is in the midst of a jigsaw puzzle, or building a tower, or drawing.......we place some water with a straw in front of her. Tada!!! It works. She drinks! I'm not sure if it's because there is no request to drink and water is just placed in front of her mouth that she drinks or whether she is busy concentrating on the task at hand that she just wants you out of her face as soon as possible, so she drinks to make you happy so you'd just go away. Whatever the reason, it works for us.
So as hard as it is that we have to be on the ball to see when she is busy to feed her with liquids, we'd rather not have her dehydrated. Sometimes we resort to threats. Like tell her she will lose a toy if she doesn't drink. But sometimes that backfires as she will say, OK. You can take the toy. *smile*
More tips on how to make your toddler drink water and fluids.
So how do I get her to drink?
Now that she is in her Terrible Three's (What, you think it stops at Two? Let me tell you, it goes beyond Three! Even Four!!!), she is purposely rejecting drinking water because she is just the little rebel that she is. I have a very willful child. The female version of Billy Idol.
Due to her pure willfulness, whenever I ask her if she'd like to drink, she'd automatically say no. Her mouth is already programmed that way. Second strategy. Don't ask. Say DRINK. It doesn't work. She will still not drink. Why should she do what Mommy tells her to. She'll do what she wants, when she wants. When you have a toddler like mine, no amount of caning, spanking, scolding, time-outs (not that I give her any of these, apart from scoldings and time-outs) will make her do what she does not want to do. I am not kidding.
After pure observation, the Hubs has identified that we need to put water in front of her lips when she is busy doing something. When she is in the midst of a jigsaw puzzle, or building a tower, or drawing.......we place some water with a straw in front of her. Tada!!! It works. She drinks! I'm not sure if it's because there is no request to drink and water is just placed in front of her mouth that she drinks or whether she is busy concentrating on the task at hand that she just wants you out of her face as soon as possible, so she drinks to make you happy so you'd just go away. Whatever the reason, it works for us.
So as hard as it is that we have to be on the ball to see when she is busy to feed her with liquids, we'd rather not have her dehydrated. Sometimes we resort to threats. Like tell her she will lose a toy if she doesn't drink. But sometimes that backfires as she will say, OK. You can take the toy. *smile*
More tips on how to make your toddler drink water and fluids.
Dec 5, 2007
Consequences of hitting your children
To discuss children and spanking, please move over to my post here about why you should not hit children.
Dec 4, 2007
Nov 14, 2007
Handling rejection in toddlers
What? You mean three year olds are actually capable of handling such emotional issues?
You bet!
Tee, my very vocal and direct daughter, is best friends with a girl three months her senior whom she started school with at the same time. They have been best friends at school, always looking forward to seeing one another every morning, always looking out for each other and having the times of their lives together. As first friends, as best friends.
This week however, my girl decided that she liked someone else better, best friend's elder sister. AND she told her best friend this straight to her face. Best friend was visibly hurt and went home crying to her mother, asking why Tee preferred somebody else to her. She thought they were best friends!
Today, when I dropped Tee off at school, best friend came up to me to ask why Tee preferred her older sister to her. The question stunned me.
So I quickly responded that sometimes, people like older people because they look up to them. It doesn't mean they don't like the younger people and some day, she would have younger people liking her more too. Weak, I know......
I didn't have time to talk to her as I was rushing off so perhaps I will have a chat with her again tomorrow to explain that sometimes, people have different likes and these likes are subject to change at anytime. Just how she may like carrots today and not tomorrow.
What would you have said?
You bet!
Tee, my very vocal and direct daughter, is best friends with a girl three months her senior whom she started school with at the same time. They have been best friends at school, always looking forward to seeing one another every morning, always looking out for each other and having the times of their lives together. As first friends, as best friends.
This week however, my girl decided that she liked someone else better, best friend's elder sister. AND she told her best friend this straight to her face. Best friend was visibly hurt and went home crying to her mother, asking why Tee preferred somebody else to her. She thought they were best friends!
Today, when I dropped Tee off at school, best friend came up to me to ask why Tee preferred her older sister to her. The question stunned me.
So I quickly responded that sometimes, people like older people because they look up to them. It doesn't mean they don't like the younger people and some day, she would have younger people liking her more too. Weak, I know......
I didn't have time to talk to her as I was rushing off so perhaps I will have a chat with her again tomorrow to explain that sometimes, people have different likes and these likes are subject to change at anytime. Just how she may like carrots today and not tomorrow.
What would you have said?
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